Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Peace and Safety

Tonight was one of those nights. Perhaps it's partially due to the fact that I've been up since 4:30 this morning and now, at 10:00 p.m., my emotions have risen to the surface. I'm experiencing one of those "my heart is so full it feels like it might burst" moments. So I'll share.

Dave and I take turns feeding W his bedtime bottle. It gives Dave a chance to have some one-on-one time with the boy, whereas I use this as 10 minutes of feeding time where I don't have to worry about my nutrition-providing anatomy and instead can just focus on filling Winston's belly. But tonight, after getting him ready for bed, I sat down with W for the nightly ritual of bottle and bed. We snuggled into our little rocking chair upstairs. W was eager to eat and it didn't take long for him to finish. As he lay there, eyes closed, belly full, deeply breathing, I couldn't help but take it all in. He was comfortable and seemed at peace in dreamland. I kissed him, smelled him and listened to him for several minutes. My arms wrapped around him, one might suggest he felt feelings of security, safety. Yet ironically, I was the one who felt safe holding this baby.

In the past five months, I feel like I have sort of packaged myself up and given myself over, completely, to my little family. But in doing so, I feel like I have opened up in many new ways. I feel secure in my role as mother. My heart is completely in it and I feel it is safe with those who have helped me discover it.

Happy 5 Months Birthday, little W. xoxo

6 comments:

steph and brent said...

Your writing is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your bliss with motherhood. I'm really looking forward to it, and although people have reminded me how hard and demanding it is, I am eager to grow and feel fulfilled by the privilege.

Christie said...

Beautifully said, mama. Welcome to the club.

Sherry said...

I love watching you love that babe!

the black family said...

You are an amazing mother. Lucky boy.

Heather said...

you said it perfectly.....love this post, and he is yummy!

Lizbeth said...

You are such a good writer, kate! I cant get enough. Precious little W. Give him a squeeeeze for me.