Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Sisters (and brothers)

Life has ups and downs.  That's part of the excitement and what keeps things interesting.  Sure, some of the lows are low, but the highs are high.  And I'm learning that things always having a way of working out; seems I'm gaining more trust in my belief that there's a plan out there for me guided by someone who sees a much bigger picture.  But, for those times when I'm in the shower camouflaging tears with what's coming out the shower head, for me, it's time to evaluate and write out what I'm feeling.

This post has been a long time coming.  Years, I'd say.  Sort of got lost in the old paper journal and now finally making it to the electronic one.  This post is personal, yet obviously public.  Nonetheless, it will be presented for journaling purposes.

So, here I go (feel free to hit your "read" button, if you'd like to pass)

My sister introduced me to a song the other day.  Hello tear jerker!  More like, cry fest.  It was one of those.  You can listen here.

I listened to the song over and over again.  It's beautifully simple, sweet, and heartfelt.  I felt drawn in immediately at the whispered name of "sister."  

Oh my sisters.  My sweet sisters.  Just saying/writing/hearing that word puts a lump in my throat.  

How I love my dear sisters.  We are separated by brothers in between.  We are different and unique from one another.  But our strengths balance our weaknesses, and together, we are dynamite.  Though we haven't all lived under the same roof in 10+ years, I believe we've grown closer together over those years than in the previous ones.  I would do anything -- anything -- for my sisters.  

Last week I was reminded of a sad time a few years ago.  This sister who introduced me to that song reminded me of it.  She reminded me of how sad I was to learn some news of our brother.  I was reminded of how heartbroken and sad I was.  I literally felt that ache in my heart I'd felt so many years before.  It hurt.  She told me she never wanted me to feel that way again.

Following this sad reminder, I remembered why I had felt that way.  Not the cause of my hurt, but the feeling of intense love, closeness and desire to keep my brother safe.  It wasn't the circumstance, but the sensation of feeling the hurt that he felt; feeling sad that he was sad; feeling wounded like him.  Though I hadn't experienced his hurt, I felt a deep, deep sense of empathy.  The only reason I could justify these feelings was because of the word sister.  He is my brother; I am his sister; roles only surpassed by that of a parent.  

Like the words of the song, when my siblings laugh, I am happy; when they are sad, I feel it, too.  Regardless of the cause, the circumstance, the prognosis, I will share these feelings because I am their sister.  I don't find this to be a burden, but rather a blessing of being part of a family.  Sure, we don't all have perfect families.  I think mine would fit in that less-than-perfect status.  But for me, at the end of the day, it's loving and shouldering my family that is most important.  In all sincerity, I value this role to the Nth degree.   

I am unsure how to end this post.  I feel like it will sort of never be finished.  It isn't a breakthrough, but more like a realization of what it means for me to be a sister.

 I'll celebrate your highs.  I'll sorrow with you during the lows.  You keep me.  

With love,
your sister

by Dave Matthews

passing time with you in mind,
it's another quiet night.
feel the ground against my back;
counting stars against the black.

thinking 'bout another day,
wishing i was far away.
wherever I dreamed I was
you were there with me.

sister, i hear your laugh.
my heart feels full up.
keep me please.
sister, when you cry, 
i feel your tears running down my face.
keep me.

i hope you always know it's true,
'cause i would never make it through.
you can make the sun go dark just by walking away.
playing like we used to play,
like it would never go away,
i feel you beating in my chest.
i'd be dead without.

sister, i hear your laugh.
my heart feels full up
keep me please.
sister, when you cry, 
i feel your tears running down my face.

you keep me.

i hope you always know it's true, that i would never make it through.
you could make the heavens fall just by walking away. 

sister, i hear you laugh, 
my heart feels full up.
keep me, please.
sister, and when you cry, 
i feel your tears running down my face.
you keep me.

1 comment:

Nancy said...

Keep writing.
Love, MOM