Four weeks?!

I can hardly believe this time four weeks ago I was sitting in the hospital, completely drugged up at this point, waiting for this little guy to make his entrance into the world.  Wow, four weeks?!  It has gone by so, so quickly; I can hardly believe it!

Winston's great tan is apparently legit.  After a traumatic trip back to the outpatient lab, it's been confirmed that it's not just jaundice anymore; he just has lovely olive skin (thank you Waterfalls).  It was at said laboratory trip where I learned how much I am affected by Winston.  

We wanted to make sure his bilirubin was at an appropriate level, so the doctor sent me to an outpatient lab at the hospital.  We made it there late in the afternoon and, unfortunately, the A Team had already left for the day.  The remaining personnel were, well, sub par.  The tech who provided the first three (yes, three!) heel sticks revealed her lack of skill right off the bat; "So, I use this right here on his foot?"  You don't say or ask things like this right before drawing blood.  Honestly!  

After she tried fruitlessly for about 10 minutes to get enough blood from my poor boy's little foot, the purportedly more experienced tech came to "squeeze it out of [Winston]," convinced he could get the needed amount of blood.  All the while I hovered over my screaming and, at this point, wailing little boy who has been stuck multiple times.  Then the second tech had the nerve to say, "Well, at least he'll sleep really well tonight after crying that much."  Seriously?  

Needless to say, it was absolutely horrible.  Poor Winston just cried and cried.  I could tell he was hurting.  It took everything in my not to cry along with him.   I finally said enough was enough and took Winston home.  I cried and he whimpered the whole way home.  

What did I learn?

A -- I am the advocate for my child.  If he needs something, at this point in his life it's up to me to make sure he gets it.  

B -- I now better understand the stewardship of a parent.  When Winston's happy, I'm happy.  When he's sad, I'm sad.  Up until now I could pretty easily keep my feelings to myself.  How I felt was typically based solely upon myself.  But now I find my feelings reflective of Winston's.  I feel an intense sense of ownership for his well-being and responsibility for his happiness.  

The selfless part of parenthood is a lesson I will continue to learn.   Thankfully it won't be at any more bilirubin checks.