Wednesday, January 6, 2010

This Is Me


Here I am.  Me.  In my pink, fluffy robe. The robe I've probably worn EVERY single day since the day I got it.  I never was much of a robe person.  But when I became hugely prego, nothing seemed to fit.  Duh.  But it seemed I was hot 80% of the time, too.  So when walking around the house in my shapely bod, if the heat suddenly came on, I could untie that belt in a second and that robe would fly open for some fresh air.  Not a pretty sight.  Or a pretty visual impression in your head either.  But it's me.  It is what it is.

In response to this and this, I am going to attempt to write a post sans the "delete" key.  Ah shoot, I just used it!  So, aside from using....again!    OK, in this post I will bear all (I'm comfortable with), even those unsightly spelling/typographical errors.  Here we go.

  • I am unsatisfied with my blog.
  • I don't think it accomplishes what I want it to.  
  • But what do I want it to do anyway?  I mean, really? 
  • Sometimes I feel like I write for someone out there, whom I don't really know (I just used that blasted key...shame on me!) but whom I really, really want to impress.
  • I write to show pics and keep up with family.
  • But I don't think that's my goal.
  • Sometimes I use the delte (dang it!) key way too often.
  • Why can't I rjust write what I feel like.?
  • Although sometimes, I admit, I have to use the delete key to lwipe away bad words. 
  • Yes, I think those basd words.  
  • sometimes a lot
  • I am not proud of it.
  • But I am proud, or I probably shouldn't say the word proud,
  • but I am glad -- how 'bout that instnead -- that I at least erase those words before they are published for anyone and everyone to see.
  • Actually, I wish everyone would see them [what I write].
  • But everyone doesn't.
  • I love thise motherhood gig.
  • It
  • s fun.  It's a challenge.  
  • I love this little man I get to hang out with.
  • But lately it's hard.
  • I've really tried not to complain about the little things of raising a child.
  • it's the reality of it.  I should/need to get used to it.
  • But this week it seems he's changed.
  • I don't know if I can basque in the loveliness of turning my head every five seconds to find him hanging off the fireplace, lip banged up, and snot/slobber literally EVERYWHERE.
  • It's not fun.  I don't like this.  And I will complain about it.  
  • Frankly, it's gross.  But it's life.  
  • Sometimes it isn't always what I want it to be.  But it is what it is.  I don't have to like it.
  • But I can appreciate it.  I can learn from it.  
  • But I refuse to learn the beauty of a snotty nose.  I don't think I'll ever appreciate it, either.  
  • I don't think anyone who happens to ever read my stuff with ever appreciate that either.
  • Nor do I think they should.
  • So what would a reader appreciate?
  • Since I'm likely related to and/or attended school with 99.9% of you readers, you probably would mostly appreciate pictures of the fam and what we're doing.
  • But I'm putting  you to the side for a minute.
  • What would I appreciate?  (Selfish, isn't it?)
  • I would appreciate reading/seeing glimpses into my life:  Lessons learned, experiences had, funny things, stupid things.  But turning these everyday things into words worth reading.  
  • Maybe that's it.  
  • I really like to write.  But I really don't like to spend the time doing it.
  • Interjection:  speaking of snot, one of my books is being covered in it as we speak.
  • Continuing...
  • I'd like this blog of mine to be my own.  My own report, if you will.
  • My report of turning my everyday into something I'm proud of. 
  • Making small things beautiful, cool, unique, mine.  
  • Whatever I want them to be.
  • Is that what I'm doing or not?  
  • I think I'd like to report on how I learn to see or appreciate things from a different angle.  
  • Nonetheless, my title is most appropriate, in that I aim to keep things clean and simple, not cluttered and over-complicated.
  • Kind of like a list of bullts:  the facts.
  • Yesterday I didn't get dressed until 4:00 in the afternoon.  The previous day, although I'd gotten dressed earlier, I looked in the mirror around 4:00 and did a double take.
  • Ooph.
  • I didn't look so good.
  • I wasn't satisfied with how I looked.
  • It reflected how I felt that day:  worn out.
  • but it was me.  And on third glance, I was OK with it.
  • It is what it is.  
  • It is to be appreciated.
  • I don't think it is settling for mediocrity or "letting myself go."
  • It is being comfortable with who I am rather than what I look like.
  • We're familiar with the scripture, "The natural man is an enemy to God."
  • Does that mean the unnatural (wo)man is a friend to God?
  • I don't think so.
  • I do think it's the real (wo)man, the tempered, thoughtful, honest one.
  • Sometimes I might have to retract or second guess or delete initial words when I write.  But that doesn't mean my final post doesn't reflect who I am
  • Rather, it's putting my best, or perhaps better foot forward.
  • When I look in the mirror and don't revel in my reflection, I more and more find myself thnking, "You're OK katie.  It's all OK"
  • So I aim to be more of me.  I aim to be real.  
  • If my blog is reflective of that, I will be satisfied.
  • Delte key, pink robe and all.

7 comments:

The Robinson's said...

katie- i love reading your blog!! you are such a wonderful writer- i know i've told you this before- but you do such a great job putting thoughts and feelings into words. keep up the good work!!

Christie said...

My friend - what you have created here is profound and beautiful. I especially loved the phrase "putting my better foot forward." I love that more than I can say. I am so happy that you decided to play along - ignoring the delete key and snot is a good thing now and then, eh?

Nat and Dave said...

this was such a great post i seriously loved it. I wish I could write like that... instead I just blurt out whatever i'm thinking. oh well. thats me. and this was totally you and I really loved reading it. you should continue to write because you are awesome at it and seriously draw people in...i sat up in my seat and was so interested while reading. i really liked it! it was so fun to see you!!

Beck n' Ben said...

my opinion of you has changed. bullet* i can never read this blog again. bullte* i only havng out with perfect people. bullet* dang. wellp, it was a good run. guess it's time to find some perfect people to eat at chick fil-a with and drive all over town with trying to pick a dinner sopt that isn't Culvers or Steak n' Shake. bullet* oh well. tell dave it was nice knowing you guys. Ben, of Ben and Becca

Ashley said...

Loved it. And maybe you'll be happy to know I didn't get dressed at all today. I was lucky to get a bra on :) Really enjoyed reading this, I loved your train of thought.

Lizbeth said...

You are nothing short of amazing, katie. Seriously. Your talent of writing combined with your positive outlook on life feels effortless. I've always been impressed by the way you put things together, not just on your blog either. Your style is simple, yes, but the depth of your thoughts and words keep the everyday unique and intriguing.

Thank you for being yourself, love.

Nancy said...

Someday I will let you read my journal entries.
I love you!
Mom