clean and simple

Today I turned 27.  Can't say I feel older, but hopefully wiser.
Lots has happened in the last year of my life.  This time last year I was huge and irrational.  Like, really huge.  And even more irrational.

Last year my birthday ended with my finger slammed in the car door and me crying my eyes out in bed for 3+ hours.
And just a few days before, I was driving through a snow/ice storm calling D and accusing unkindly telling him that he'd done something to the defroster in my car.
I think my exact words were that he'd "unplugged my defroster!"
I smile every time I remember myself saying that.  I can't make this stuff up.
Irrational.  Totally irrational.

But the last year has been kind to me.
The sweet little babe finally came in March, giving me a whole new title, responsibility and outlook.
I have changed.  A lot.  But I am very much the same.
Perhaps changed isn't the word.  Learned and discovered are more appropriate.
Not too long ago I went through a little exercise where I typed as I thought -- rather off the cuff -- what I was thinking about myself, what I want, where I am, etc.  It was a painfully long entry by my standards.  But it was a good thing for me to think through.
However, it wasn't completely cathartic.

I've continued to put some thought into figuring out myself.  But I'm figuring out something rather different.
Every day is a pivotal moment in life.
It isn't a one-time occurrence when one finally discovers herself.  It's a process.  It's about becoming, developing, evolving into the person we are.  Being and choosing what we want in order to get there.
Trial and error, but progress.
If we just knew who we were, what else would there be to stimulate growth and progression?
Sometimes knowing who that "me" is can be confusing, perhaps frustrating, but sometimes delighting.
For me, the bottom line is I can choose who I want to be; I don't have to go out searching for her.  I am here.
New roles, jobs, experiences, decisions, feelings, triumphs, trials...that's all part of me becoming me.
With the outlook of another year of life complete and a new one lying ahead, I'm excited at recognizing more of myself.

So instead of a smashed finger, this birthday ended with a perfect gift.  An ID badge of sorts.
I'll gladly accept the mama bird over a damaged digit.

Here's to another year.  Hopefully a more rational one.