Peace and Safety

Tonight was one of those nights. Perhaps it's partially due to the fact that I've been up since 4:30 this morning and now, at 10:00 p.m., my emotions have risen to the surface. I'm experiencing one of those "my heart is so full it feels like it might burst" moments. So I'll share.

Dave and I take turns feeding W his bedtime bottle. It gives Dave a chance to have some one-on-one time with the boy, whereas I use this as 10 minutes of feeding time where I don't have to worry about my nutrition-providing anatomy and instead can just focus on filling Winston's belly. But tonight, after getting him ready for bed, I sat down with W for the nightly ritual of bottle and bed. We snuggled into our little rocking chair upstairs. W was eager to eat and it didn't take long for him to finish. As he lay there, eyes closed, belly full, deeply breathing, I couldn't help but take it all in. He was comfortable and seemed at peace in dreamland. I kissed him, smelled him and listened to him for several minutes. My arms wrapped around him, one might suggest he felt feelings of security, safety. Yet ironically, I was the one who felt safe holding this baby.

In the past five months, I feel like I have sort of packaged myself up and given myself over, completely, to my little family. But in doing so, I feel like I have opened up in many new ways. I feel secure in my role as mother. My heart is completely in it and I feel it is safe with those who have helped me discover it.

Happy 5 Months Birthday, little W. xoxo